Over turning troubled well-practiced behavior is hard for your teen; it’s hard for any one. Now that the pain form their last trouble is over – and they have gotten comfortable again… it’s right back to their low feelings of self worth, disconnected and unattached mentality coupled with their well-rehearsed behaviors. You can remind them of how much money it cost you to bail them out, how awful of a human being you think they are or even attempt to use physical punishment if you so wish… but a person persuaded against their will is of the same persuasion still. I say to you like I say to my marathon training clients – don’t think about the miles you’ve already covered – don’t think about the miles ahead – think about what you’re doing right here, right now. One day at a time.. if need be, one minute at a time.

Live with intent!

It will take more then just words to help yr teen son ‘change’ his abusive behavior. He doesn’t even change his underwear without prompt, what makes you think he will change his abusive/addictive/problematic behavior. For a real change, encourage and move him toward some form of counseling/therapy/support to help fight his internal madness. Find and believe in a higher power to surrender his will (right now he is surrendering to drugs/$/women/drama/etc. A change in activities and company – the power of association is huge! Align those things with his determination to change and it can and WILL happen.

Parent with Intent!

Do you suffer from anxiety? Here’s something to say to yourself in that moment: ‘Anxiety is not dangerous – it’s just uncomfortable. I am fine; I’ll just continue with what I’m doing or find something more active to do’.

Sometimes your teen(s) may feel so misunderstood, unhappy and entirely fed up, but, that does not mean they want you to solve everything for them. Sometimes they just need space, time, patience, understanding, empathy, a shoulder to lean on, a chest to cry on, a hug, or maybe even silence. Detach with love – you do not need to control everything all the time.

Parent with Intent!

When one person in a family is addicted, everyone is affected. Family members who have ignored, denied, justified, and enabled the addict are known as codependent.
Codependency is a serious and debilitating condition that wreaks havoc on the lives of the codependent person and all those around him or her.

Characteristics of Codependents
People who are codependent have certain characteristics or traits involving care taking, low self-worth, obsession, and repression.

As codependents, they may feel that they’re responsible for another person’s (especially the addict’s) actions, feelings, thoughts, well-being or lack of it, even their destiny.

This behavior CAN change…

Tip: Practice detachment. Learn how to detach yourself from the problems of others. Stop letting other people’s issues and problems consume your every waking thought. This will take quite a bit of practice, but things like meditation, vigorous exercise, being with others, and developing a sense of spirituality may help immensely.

Many people lead with their emotions, often to their own detriment.  Psychologists have discovered that more people behave themselves into new ways of thinking than think themselves into new ways of behaving.  Sometimes we believe that we must have the feeling first, before we act.  But in fact, changing your actions will lead to a change in feelings.

For example, if you are in a heated discussion with your teen, you may not feel like acting respectfully toward him or her.  Act respectfully anyway, and see if you don’t feel your blood pressure falling.  You may not feel like listening to their ideas with an open mind.  Listen anyway, and see if you don’t find some common ground with them.

If you want different results, take different actions!  As the saying goes, “If you do what you’ve always done, you will get what you’ve always gotten.”  Act first, and the feelings will follow.  Now I realize that this is far from easy and that it requires a lot of control over your emotions and actions. However, if you are able to master it, your communications with your teen will greatly improve.

Parent with Intent!

Will you let conflict disrupt your relationship? Will you wait until you’re not together to get it together? Some people do need time to think and embrace differences but don’t get lost in yourselves and just stop moving – afterwards, be sure to communicate and solve conflict. If the love is real then the timing can never be bad.

Communicate with intent!

Maintain or if need be, regain your strength and the conviction to complete the task entrusted to you. To stay resolute when all else seems lost. Find a way to dig deep, to fight the good fight, to finish the race and keep the faith. Be thankful for the good you’ve done and learn from the bad. Keep your tired and weary eyes open to the prize and travel straight and true through the many obstacles in your path – look for signs and clues along the way. Know that one day you will be able to rest, rest in peace and knowing you have done right with your time.

Parent with intent!

 enjoy a beer or an occasional glass of wine if your teen is in recovery? In all honesty, that’s equal to you attempting to lose weight and the house is full of delicious hostess Twinkies. Let me guess… you’re thinking it is their problem and not yours? Sorry, it is NO longer a his/her problem, it’s a WE problem and if effects the entire family. I know, it’s unfair… think how it must be for your teen… If you have a teen in recovery, ask yourself, ‘what are the things I can do to have a welcoming environment. And what are some of the things you can do right away (asap) to create a welcoming environment?

Parent with Intent!