There is no win-lose communication in a relationship

When it comes to who’s right and who’s wrong when communicating in a personal relationship, there is NO win-lose communication.

Think for a second, who’s going to be the bigger person and not take offense to being ridiculed, degraded, embarrassed, shamed, invalidated and disrespected?

How does one ‘love’ you after such an event? Tension makes it hard to love and be loved. All the bottled up tension will eventually lead to arguments, resentment and the start of the end of the relationship. In the perfect world we would all express affection for each other, roll like soft butter on warm toast over minor differences and acknowledge each other in every way possible. Then again, there’s that one person whose love language is actually to be left alone – the grinch of love :-)

However, we are not in that perfect world, but we are in an ever growing and developing world. There is always a way to validate your partner, acknowledge them for the small things they do well or good, remind them of your appreciation, sing to them, dance and get silly with them. Make silly faces, smile, laugh with and AT one another. Pray together, eat together, do mind relaxation exercises together – like Yoga or alternative healing. Go for a walk together, bike ride, hike, camp or fish. Rake leaves, take pictures, or simply sit in silence and share the same air together.

The list can go on and on, the point is, if you don’t first love yourself, it will be hard to love any one else. Once you have the love down (and you let go of any deep resentments), learn to communicate not just conversate… so many people really don’t know how to communicate effective – bad case of selective hearing and sensitivity. Focus on the positive and remember, none of us are perfect. Start everyday as YOU were lucky enough (not like low self esteem kind of lucky) to be accepted for who you are and in return learn to accept people for who they are and what they offer (not settle – but true acceptance). If you truly won’t (not can’t – you can, you just won’t) accept certain behaviors or traits then say from the start and be bold enough to sit in discomfort for a bit while you get back on the search for love mobile. Loneliness is a state of being – I call it mind over matter (after a good cry that is).

Happy to good day to you and happy relations!

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