If you don’t know yourself – you can’t love yourself
Love: My client asked me “Coach, how come my son has a greater connection and more love for the people in AA and treatment then he does with me?”
I explained, ‘all of the people in AA or treatment are fighting an illness and disease together, genuinely fighting together to overcome pain’ and it’s because of that ‘growth’ together that they learn to love one another.
I asked, HOW do you model love in your home? My clients unfortunate / fortunate breakthrough was this… his children connected with their PETS, TEDDY BEARS and SOCIAL DEVICES and not with one another.
I explained that he is not alone; many homes are insufficient for our children to learn ‘true love’ and our school system is not the most appropriate place to teach parents and children to love one another – the teachers are there to teach and far too many parents have surrendered their parenting responsibilities to the teachers.
Our teens find more love in gangs, with others that use drugs, in unhealthy and lustful relationships as they develop these false identities, sense of hope and love. But notice what these groups have in common… they pray together, protect each other, struggle together and learn to honor one another regardless the circumstances. When is the last time you and your family prayed together, laughed together or even shared a family story? And before you say “I would if they would ever come home and spend time with me”… who’s authorizing them to go out?
My client came to realize, a true loving connection with one another did not exist with his children and that this similar style of ‘family life’ dated back to when he was a child. My client realized he himself learned to perform ‘loving acts to gain additional creature comforts’. Not a single gift, toy or object helped identify WHO he is and or what he stands for. He does not have the wisdom to identify his own likeness. My client, like many others, does not know who his kids are or who he is himself. My closing question to my client was this… if you don’t know yourself, how can you love yourself? And if your son does not know himself, how can he possible learn to love himself?
It’s up to you parents, every youth has the same potential to love but it’s the environment and what we put in it that either accelerates their knowledge for self and love or diminishes it.
Parent with intent!